How to date like a cheat

No matter the nationality or predisposition towards matching denim jeans and jackets, dating like a cheat  is attainable by both genders.

Rule Number One

Pursue, pursue, pursue. You can put more time and effort into this stage than even the Turkish man. After all, you’ve nothing to lose as you’ve got the security of having someone already in the bag or the bush or whichever idiom you prefer.

Rule Number Two

Don’t tell your friends. Not just so you can preserve the image they have of you as a decent person but so that, if you do introduce both parties, your friend might be attracted to your secret partner, thereby confirming your own great good fortune.

Rule Number Three

Don’t hold your Little Secret’s hand or kiss in public. Again this saves face but with the added frisson of the increased physical intensity of not being able to. And it reduces the chances of being caught which would put a severe downer on all the fun.

Rule Number Four

Make them feel sorry for you and how difficult it is to have to lie all the time. If you’re really good, you’ll get sympathy sex for every time your phone rings and you can’t answer it.  You’re not going to be sharing much else with them – Christmases, birthdays, holidays, the future, so the least you can do is share the strain of your wrongdoing.

Rule Number Five

The most important lies are the ones you tell yourself; without them none of the rest would be possible.