Writing, writing erotica, tongue in cheek commentary on love, life and anything else that comes to mind.
I’m not sure what age it starts to happen that the pool of available men extends ten years in either direction although the legal implication of that statement will have me doing a swift recalculation. For the most part, that has to be a good thing. More choice thus more benefits but some of the mores are, well, a bit less.
Anyway, if you’re post let’s say 19, read on.
Rule Number One
Have sex like you’ve learned from porn films. Porn is THE definitive guide to good sex. All those acts and positions that make for good shots and camera angles more than make up for the absence of foreplay and skin to skin contact. Orgasm is everything – yours of course not hers. Cindy Gallop makes this point far more graphically than I’m willing to here.
Rule Number Two
An addendum to Rule One rather than a rule in itself. When given feedback or hints, return immediately to what you were doing before. You don’t need anyone telling you what to do anymore or you’d still be living with your parents.
She’s not going to tell you how bad it is because she’s just hoping it’s going to get better so no need to worry about any negative feedback even if you ignore the tips. She might write a blog post about it though.
Rule Number Three
It’s not a one night stand if you a) do it again in the morning b) friend her on Facebook. I didn’t even make this one up for effect. It’s pretty much a quote.
Rule Number Four
Tell her all your problems and insecurities. She’ll make you feel much better about yourself, your performance, your exes. Do absolutely nothing similar in return. You’ll be far too busy talking about yourself anyway. After all, she’s scored YOU, what further boost to her confidence could she need?
Rule Number Five
Just disappear when you start missing your playstation, less demanding girls your own age and Snapchat. She can see what you’re up to on Facebook and it’s not as if you’re ignoring her, you ‘Like’ all her posts.