Writing, writing erotica, tongue in cheek commentary on love, life and anything else that comes to mind.
I bought one of these on Kindle, Taken by the Pterodactyl by Christie Sims and Alara Branwen, mostly to save anyone else having to and to occupy a plane journey to The States. Reading it only took me as long as it took to go from the end of the boarding queue to the gate though. At about £3 for 5,000 words, that makes the authors geniuses the like of whom even Apple could go to for marketing and pricing tips.
Of those 5,000 words “bacon” appears a disproportionate amount of times in the first third of the story. Either this was clever foreshadowing of the piece of meat the Pterrible Pterodactyl will dine on later – the heroine, Dianne, a shepherdess. Or the author was eating breakfast at the time.
The layering of tension explanation actually seems plausible on closer literary analysis. The bacon is described as “tantalising”, it “sizzled”, it’s an “opportunity that didn’t come round very often” and is something Dianne can have “but not all of it”.
It’s the most memorable part of the completely unneccessary back story which seems to be that they live on some farming colony on another planet where there are dinosaurs because “back on Earth things [are] going to hell faster than ever”. Yep, on Earth people are reading dinosaur erotica. But maybe that was genius too as it certainly had me thinking “Come on, get to the dino sex” and that’s a sentence I never expected to construct.
Then Dianne, who’s happily chowed down on bacon, is squeamish about shooting a mangled and dying lamb. Dianne is a nice girl with a kinship with animals. In fact, if the sheep were more well endowed…but no. We can only indulge bestial urges with extinct reptiles not actual fluffy animals.
Covered in lamb’s blood, Dianne, the sacrificial virgin, is caught by a pterodactyl and taken to its nest. There, in the final alliterative third, she attracts the nibbles and nips of the beast to her nipples, after it “visibly tugs” her blouse off. This is no audible, tangible or olfactible tugging, just to be clear. Dianne offers consent by slipping off her own bra and then later stepping out of her panties too. The pterodactyl has a large crest on its head, a beak and a “thickening pink shaft” to pleasure her with – Dianne was so right to pass on the sheep.
It was clear to Dianne that this pterodactyl wanted to cum, there was no romance, no tenderness… no, there was just fucking.
Afterwards, the dinosaur flies off rather than rolling over and going to sleep, leaving Dianne wondering about the future of their relationship. Could she stay in the nest forever?
“What are you going to do? Live up a tree your whole life getting fucked by a dinosaur?” […] the idea was appealing, it just want practical.
But then the dinosaur returns and curls up to sleep next to her so maybe it does want some tenderness after all. Dianne, though, she starts fantasising about what it’s going to do to her when it wakes up. These two are too out of sync for it to last much longer.
Heat rating: Since I read that women physically react to any stimulus whatsoever, even if they don’t mentally feel turned on, then this story had to be having an effect – whether I liked it or not.
But then, so was the bacon.